Do you want to cheat? If so, do this follow:
Go to conversation.txt, search this "As_you_wish,_my_wife" and you got "dlga_lord_husband_auto_recruit:close_window 4095
620 0 As_you_wish,_my_wife."
see the number 620 here? Remember this number
search "in_private" you got "in_private.
xxx 0 NO_VOICEOVER " see the xxx here. whatever it is, change it to 620. You will find this "in_private." log 4 times, change all of numbers into 620.
Here's the effect: You can recruit any lord simply by asking him "I want to discuss some matters with your in private" (something like that. Im sure you know what it is.) He will join your faction automatically.