I actually think its easier as a woman. I got married and I got a lord and his troops just like that. I had to work to get him a fief and a town but basically, once he has that stuff, I never had any problems with him about sexism or anything. He has a small army but I'm guessing that I can just load him up endlessly? I though the AI had to "build up" an army and reached some kind of max based on the lands they hold. Do they really have no limit? I mean like, if that's the case, I can just start loading a bajillion vaegir knights into my husband and bam I have the insta-destruction force.
Plus he never leaves you, he's apparently quite whipped. He came with the Swads in a giant war party of all their lords, i walk up to him and tell him "Come with me to my kingdom"... and he only responds with "Yes, my dear/wife".
Anyway, it's hardly uncomfortable unless you're uneasy about your sexuality. Plus, considering the game includes more than just christian europe, lesbianism and in fact, homosexual relationships, are hardly a banned concept. As you get more east, homosexuality became more and more accepted. So if you wanted a historical game then you'd have to include, not exclude, the practice.