Install any mod that allows war exhaustion (I got Diplomacy fixes). And now with war exhaustion we usually have 1 or 0 wars. From the start there were 4, but now we are safe.
Also it helps a lot to keep clans dry on their influence! (adopt all policies , that give - influence. Then i spent thousands of my influence gained for army leading and sieges done for popular policies = clans spent the rest of their balance there). Free castles and towns.
ATM day 400 i have 4 castles and 6 towns , while my king Derthert have 3 and 3. And other clans only 1 or 2.
Having a lot of fun! Planning to creat own kingdom with all my fiefs!