'Twas the night before Bannerlord, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a camel;
The butter was stored in the fridge with care,
In hopes that Callum soon would be there;
The middle aged men were nestled all snug in their boxes,
While visions of axes danced in their heads;
And Deshavi in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's fap,
When out of my pants there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to my computer I flew like a flash,
Tore open the trousers and threw up the shaft.
The images on the screen of the new-fallen store page
Gave the lustre of mid-day to game description below,
When, what to my unblinking eyes should appear,
But a green button, and the words buy now,
With a little old credit card, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be paypal.
More rapid than eagles his I typed the numbers,
And I whistled, and shouted, and yelled at my mother;
"Now, ALAYEN! now, BORCHA! now, BUNDUK and KATRIN!
On, MARANID! on NIZAR! on, ROLF and YMIRA!
To the top of the recycle bin! to the top of my uninstalls!
Now go away! go away! go away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild steppe bandits fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, dismount and take out melee weapons,
So up to the house-top the coursers they rode,
With the game installed, and my mods too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard in my speakers
The prancing and pawing of 300 Vlandian cavalry.
As I drew out my sword, and was turning around,
Down the hill the Sturgians came with a bound.
They were dressed all in chain, from head to foot,
And their clothes were all tarnished with blood and ****;
A bundle of arrows he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an archer just opening his fire.
His arrows-- how they twinkled! his lines how merry!
His helmets were like roses, his torso armor like a cherry!
His droll little bow was drawn up,
And the beard of his chin was as badass as the sword sisters;
The stump of a sword he held tight in his right hand,
And the sheild wall it encircled my army like a wreath;
They had broad swords and little round targes,
That moved, and blocked like a bowlful of jelly.
The lord was chubby and plump, a right jolly old prat,
And I laughed when I saw him, and shat of myself;
A wink of my eye and off with his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
They lost the battle, but went straight to the ground,
And filled my party with loot; then turned with a jerk,
And sold at a nearby town,
And giving a nod, up my gold count rose;
I sprang to my camel, to my army a movement command,
And away we went like the hammer and sickle.
But I read the logs exclaim, ere it covered my screen,
THE STRUGIANS HAVE BEEN DEFEATED, AND YOU ARE THE BANNERLORD!