Interesting, Humourous or Just Plain Weird Primary Sources

matmohair1 said:

Hulagu's Gifts and Tributes

Spoiler

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Every year in Athens, on a day in midsummer, the Athenians performed an unuual ritual called the Bouphonia, the "murder of the ox." Even in the fifth century Athenians thought this an archaic and hoary rite, but they apparently continued to practice it for centuries, well into the second century CE at least. Because it was so odd, the ancient sources recorded many of its details.
A group of oxen was led up to the Acropolis, and in the procession were young girls carrying water to sharpen an ax and sacrificial knife. The oxen circled Zeus' altar, and first one to taste the cake on the altar was selected as the victim. He was struck with an ax and killed by the "ox-slayer", a member of the Thaulonidae family. The ox-slayer then threw down the ax and ran away. The other participants in the ritual then butchered and skinned the animal with a sacrificial knife and feasted on the meat. This could not be the end of the ritual, however, because a "crime" had been commited -- the ox had been "murdered." A formal ritual was held in a special court in Athens, and since the "ox-slayer" himself had fled, the girls who brought the water for sharpening the knife and ax were charged with the "murder." In their defense they claimed that those who actually sharpened the ax and knife were more responsible. The sharpeners in turn charged the man who gave them the ax and knife, and he charged the butcher. But the butcher claimed the knife was more guilty, and, since the knife could say nothing in its defense, it was found guilty of the murder. The knife was then banished by being thrown into the sea. To conclude this bizarre ritual, back on the Acropolis the skin of the ox was stuffed, stood up, and harnessed to a plow, restoring it, as it were, to its pre-sacrificial condition.

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Babylonian Talmud: Baba Mezi'a 59 said:

We learnt elsewhere: If he cut it into separate tiles, placing sand between each tile: R. Eliezer declared it clean, and the Sages declared it unclean; and this was the oven of 'Aknai.1  Why [the oven of] 'Aknai? — Said Rab Judah in Samuel's name: [It means] that they encompassed it with arguments2  as a snake, and proved it unclean. It has been taught: On that day R. Eliezer brought forward every imaginable argument,3  but they did not accept them. Said he to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let this carob-tree prove it!' Thereupon the carob-tree was torn a hundred cubits out of its place — others affirm, four hundred cubits. 'No proof can be brought from a carob-tree,' they retorted. Again he said to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let the stream of water prove it!' Whereupon the stream of water flowed backwards — 'No proof can be brought from a stream of water,' they rejoined. Again he urged: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let the walls of the schoolhouse prove it,' whereupon the walls inclined to fall. But R. Joshua rebuked them, saying: 'When scholars are engaged in a halachic dispute, what have ye to interfere?' Hence they did not fall, in honour of R. Joshua, nor did they resume the upright, in honour of R. Eliezer; and they are still standing thus inclined. Again he said to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let it be proved from Heaven!' Whereupon a Heavenly Voice cried out: 'Why do ye dispute with R. Eliezer, seeing that in all matters the halachah agrees with him!' But R. Joshua arose and exclaimed: 'It is not in heaven.'4  What did he mean by this? — Said R. Jeremiah: That the Torah had already been given at Mount Sinai; we pay no attention to a Heavenly Voice, because Thou hast long since written in the Torah at Mount Sinai, After the majority must one incline.5

R. Nathan met Elijah6  and asked him: What did the Holy One, Blessed be He, do in that hour? — He laughed [with joy], he replied, saying, 'My sons have defeated Me, My sons have defeated Me.'

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garfelf you fat cat !! said:

Babylonian Talmud: Baba Mezi'a 59 said:

We learnt elsewhere: If he cut it into separate tiles, placing sand between each tile: R. Eliezer declared it clean, and the Sages declared it unclean; and this was the oven of 'Aknai.1  Why [the oven of] 'Aknai? — Said Rab Judah in Samuel's name: [It means] that they encompassed it with arguments2  as a snake, and proved it unclean. It has been taught: On that day R. Eliezer brought forward every imaginable argument,3  but they did not accept them. Said he to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let this carob-tree prove it!' Thereupon the carob-tree was torn a hundred cubits out of its place — others affirm, four hundred cubits. 'No proof can be brought from a carob-tree,' they retorted. Again he said to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let the stream of water prove it!' Whereupon the stream of water flowed backwards — 'No proof can be brought from a stream of water,' they rejoined. Again he urged: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let the walls of the schoolhouse prove it,' whereupon the walls inclined to fall. But R. Joshua rebuked them, saying: 'When scholars are engaged in a halachic dispute, what have ye to interfere?' Hence they did not fall, in honour of R. Joshua, nor did they resume the upright, in honour of R. Eliezer; and they are still standing thus inclined. Again he said to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let it be proved from Heaven!' Whereupon a Heavenly Voice cried out: 'Why do ye dispute with R. Eliezer, seeing that in all matters the halachah agrees with him!' But R. Joshua arose and exclaimed: 'It is not in heaven.'4  What did he mean by this? — Said R. Jeremiah: That the Torah had already been given at Mount Sinai; we pay no attention to a Heavenly Voice, because Thou hast long since written in the Torah at Mount Sinai, After the majority must one incline.5

R. Nathan met Elijah6  and asked him: What did the Holy One, Blessed be He, do in that hour? — He laughed [with joy], he replied, saying, 'My sons have defeated Me, My sons have defeated Me.'

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Short version: Rabbis can't agree on a matter of faith, Rabbi calls in God to decide, God doesn't agree with him so the Rabbi successfully argues against God.

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Его Высокопревосходительство said:

Why would the French love war when they always lose?

*takes a bow*

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Feragorn said:

garfelf you fat cat !! said:

Babylonian Talmud: Baba Mezi'a 59 said:

We learnt elsewhere: If he cut it into separate tiles, placing sand between each tile: R. Eliezer declared it clean, and the Sages declared it unclean; and this was the oven of 'Aknai.1  Why [the oven of] 'Aknai? — Said Rab Judah in Samuel's name: [It means] that they encompassed it with arguments2  as a snake, and proved it unclean. It has been taught: On that day R. Eliezer brought forward every imaginable argument,3  but they did not accept them. Said he to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let this carob-tree prove it!' Thereupon the carob-tree was torn a hundred cubits out of its place — others affirm, four hundred cubits. 'No proof can be brought from a carob-tree,' they retorted. Again he said to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let the stream of water prove it!' Whereupon the stream of water flowed backwards — 'No proof can be brought from a stream of water,' they rejoined. Again he urged: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let the walls of the schoolhouse prove it,' whereupon the walls inclined to fall. But R. Joshua rebuked them, saying: 'When scholars are engaged in a halachic dispute, what have ye to interfere?' Hence they did not fall, in honour of R. Joshua, nor did they resume the upright, in honour of R. Eliezer; and they are still standing thus inclined. Again he said to them: 'If the halachah agrees with me, let it be proved from Heaven!' Whereupon a Heavenly Voice cried out: 'Why do ye dispute with R. Eliezer, seeing that in all matters the halachah agrees with him!' But R. Joshua arose and exclaimed: 'It is not in heaven.'4  What did he mean by this? — Said R. Jeremiah: That the Torah had already been given at Mount Sinai; we pay no attention to a Heavenly Voice, because Thou hast long since written in the Torah at Mount Sinai, After the majority must one incline.5

R. Nathan met Elijah6  and asked him: What did the Holy One, Blessed be He, do in that hour? — He laughed [with joy], he replied, saying, 'My sons have defeated Me, My sons have defeated Me.'

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Short version: Rabbis can't agree on a matter of faith, Rabbi calls in God to decide, God doesn't agree with him so the Rabbi successfully argues against God.

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You missed the best part. Rabbi Eliezer, the guy who G-d agreed with in that story, later relates that he had studied three thousand ways of planting and harvesting cucumbers by magic.

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Jacobhinds said:

It's so butthurt, is it mostly a joke? The "invincible" bit for germans seems that little bit too over the top.

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Ililsa said:

This German (maybe from a bitter Austrian) chart of European stereotypes circa 1720.

Spoiler: The Table

Spoiler: Hopefully accurate translation?

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Spoiler: damn phoneposting images, as fiddly as an Hungarian is cruel.

garfelf you fat cat !! said:

I have another translation where the Swede', Pole's, Hungarian's and Muscovite's personalities are:

Swede: Cruel. Pole: More cruel. Hungarian: Most cruel. Muscovite: Like Hungarian.

Spoiler: damn phoneposting images, as fiddly as an Hungarian is cruel.

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Captured Joe said:

Jacobhinds said:

It's so butthurt, is it mostly a joke? The "invincible" bit for germans seems that little bit too over the top.

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Also it really hates the Hungarians, I wonder why

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[We] were entertained there as usual: For at dinner we were so plied with Tockay wine, though his Tsarist Majesty forbore drinking too much, that at our breaking up, we were hardly able to stand. Nevertheless we were obliged to empty each a bowl holding a full quart, which we received from the Tsarina's own hand, whereupon we quite lost our senses, and were in that pickle carried off to sleep, some in the garden, others in the wood, and the rest here and there on the ground...At supper [before which Peter had forced them to spend about three hours helping him cut down trees]... we received such another dose of liquor as sent us senseless to bed; but having scarcely slept an hour and half, a certain favourite of the tsar's was sent about midnight to rouse us, and carry us, willing or unwilling, to the Prince of Circassia, who was already abed with his consort, where we were again by their bedside pestered with wine and brandy till four in the morning. The next day none of us remembered how we got home. About eight we were invited to court to breakfast, but instead of coffee and tea, as we expected, we were welcomed with large cups of brandy... We had the fourth drinking bout at dinner [after which Peter displayed his seamanship by sailing off with them in the Gulf of Finland for what proved to be about seven hours, most of it in a frightening storm].

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