Anyway I made a new game and all the good empire male lords are either taken or say My lady, there are other maidens who have captured my heart .It takes awhile but they will eventually come around. Keep raising relations with them. I had one say that and finally he said lets get hitched. The best part was, he said meet me at my castle,I'm tired of waiting for a feast. I met him at the castle and we got hitched, no feast required.
They won't eventually come around in most cases at least if they say that. I checked via cheating. 100 relations and nothing. My renown and charisma were also fairly high. Also based on a guide I read.
4. My lady, there are other maidens who have captured my heart
I think this means they are on track to being married with someone else. NPCs in the game actually do marry and have wives, no idea how this works.
I think it is not 100% that they will end up with the person that has 'captured their heart'. If you wait around, they may change their mind. I know in one game after a very long time
So the odds of them changing their mind are not 100% and it takes a while. Honestly not sure if worth it. I just let the empire conquer a few castles and eventually a lord that I was eligible got a castle and I married him. He was slightly above average 650 renown empire lord. Yea the lord also asked me to follow him to his castle since feasts could not be held due to war.