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Now I feel silly for asking. Getting the fief was the last thing I did in my gaming session before calling it a day, so if I'd had a little more patience I'd have found out myself. I read your comment and waited for a few game days. Sure enough, when Warsaw was no longer under siege the mayor came out of hiding. That coward of a servant must have been hiding under a desk until the enemy fled over the horizon 

Thanks!

Faction elimination:
This is my experience: I had the same problem after I took all of the Khergit towns, castles and villages. The faction didn't cease to exist immediately. At first I thought it was impossible to totally eliminate a faction, but when I continued to conquer the other factions I would find small bands of Khergits roaming the countryside and usually run away from me (which they actually can with their all-cavalry forces despite my movement speed bonus). At times they would try to raid villages in poorly defended areas. That is when I decided to "bait" them by leaving a castle without a garrison, and sure enough the last three vassals of the Khergits each tried to take it. With a cavalry-only army I was able to hunt them down. After that I got a very clear but unceremonious message stating that the Khergit Khanaate had ceased to exist as a faction. I shared your disappointment in that no one really seemed to notice or care about it at all. A simple: "Good job, my boy!" from the king would have gone a long way.

Invisible ladies:
Titan357 said all there is to it. You can only interact the ladies after you have met them at a feast, or by asking permission to visit her from her family. I think this makes sense since women in those times weren't allowed to wander around, and their families kept them on a short leash. Don't elope with a lady unless she belongs to an enemy faction or if it's impossible to get in her father's good graces! I did it, and it didn't just cause trouble with the father as I expected, but also the father's friends and even the king himself gave me a big relationship hit.

I hate the Khergit in general. I dread fighting them not because they are difficult opponents, but because they are the only army I find truly annoying to fight. The battles take forever, but only delay the inevitable. Ironically I find that the best way to beat them is to scare these supposed nomads into hiding in their castles and then butcher them.

As opponents I "hate"(respect?) the Nords the most because they are the only army that can really bloody my nose, especially when I besiege them. Their leaders also seem more effective than those of the other factions. This makes them generally much more fun to fight than some the others.

I don't particularly dislike any of the factions that I haven't mentioned. They are all fun to fight in their own ways and give some variation to the battles and scenery. The Vaegir are far weaker than others and usually suffer greatly at the hands of the Nords in the games I played so far.

As for who I like most... that would be the Swadians and Rhodok in that order because they feel closest to home. I especially love playing a noble character that only recruits companions that are of the noble class (or at least claim to be) and then go Swadian vassal until I break off to found my own Kingdom when I'm ready. The AI's don't fare so well with either of these factions though. Especially the Swadians get defeated a lot, which can be frustrating when you are the only one who is seriously defending the Kingdom's borders from the many incursions from all directions.

Swadians look the best
Rhodoks are second, but only their higher level units
I don't care much for the looks of any of the others, though the Nords aren't bad.