need some advice regarding fief management

I have taken out all the nord castles and towns, but still they run around sieging my castles with tiny armies like 30 soldiers. I've assigned castles and towns to all my lords, but is it fiefs or castles that gives bonuses to my lords? largest army i have seen is 120 soldiers on Knight Daynad. He followed me and my regiments taking down 7 castles in a row. he had over 400 prisoners and his speed was sometimes down to 1.8.

How should i manage my castles? its anoying to run around to every castle once in a while and talk to chancelor so i can upgrade castle, and then talk to him again to give it back to one of the lords.

It should be implemented some castle management menu so you can upgrade castles from one place. or let lords upgrade castles them selves.

i have almost entire rhodok taken down exept maras. those vaegirs keep sieging with to few men, so they just stand there.

Well, you shouldn't even bother to upgrade you lord's castles. If you assign a lord to a castle you DO NOT get any money from it. Also you don't have to build a barracks, they will automatically garrison it for you.
Here is my strategy:
1. I keep all villages for my self (to make money, and later in V4 to make faith for faith troops)
2. I keep all towns for myself (to make noble units, 1st tier units, and money)
3. I give all castles away (so I don't have to worry about them)
Right now I have the whole rhodok empire and I get 10000-13000 denars a week while spending 7000. I go around right now with 40 top tier nobles, 30 mid tier nobles, and 15 swadian knights, 5 hired blades, and 5 other knights from other places. My 3 towns each have about 500 units, about 350 in all 3 are 1st tier, the others are eith noble or better tier units.

I think castles add 10 units to a lords part, villages 5, and towns 20. So its not worth it. But the newer the lord the better. For example, the last lord you will get (after getting 20 castles) will be the best and can have the most units. I like to have my stronger lords without castles so that they roam around and kill my enemies.

thank you for quick reply.

this was enlightning. I am Marinian in this game. The condoittieri are frickin awesome. I have one castle for my self, and villages have been shared, some of them atleast.  in my castle there is about 300 units. consisting of conscripts and crossbow men. is there anyway to get them upgraded without having to take em in my party?

what is the wisest order of constructing buildings?

it seems that regiments dont upgrade their units, is this a possiblity in the future?

your first tier units (those 300 men in your castle) should upgrade by themselves but it takes a very long time. For example, after about 100 days my town had about 25 sharpshooter, 25 elite infantry, and 70 or so mid tier units and 40 noble units.
For buildings, first get the barracks and practice range. Then get the knight chapter. (called marinian something...) And you don't need a temple since faith troops do not work so make a university. Also set your taxes to 1 below normal, then u get +1 relation to villages each week. Now I get on average 10-20 peasants per village.
Regiments do not upgrade units and will not be able to in V4. I do not think that is possible. They won't even attack in the beta, in V4 I think they will or V5.

Since faith does not work you should go to the marshal and for example if you have 30 marinian condeteri then disband the, and take 30 faith units.

I belive that the troops you found upgraded might just defend Your castle from siege jason... But maybe there is a script running that upgrades garrison. If it is I didn't put my fingers into it.

No they actually are in the garrison and I can take them out, look at these screen shots: (note: all marinian soldiers were not put there by me, they all spawned/upgraded on their own, it is my town not a lord's)

I have no idea how could this happen... Maybe one of your lords was filling up your garrison? Well anyway it's good that they do upgrade in time very very slowly. If something is working right I won't investigate

Maybe if the lords stopped by them for a while...
I should try by getting a town, setting it as mine, and with NO buildings just wait a long time...
but yeah it is good as it is, after 100 and something days only 20 sharpshooters.

I thought giving a lord more territory also expanded his troop capacity? EX: A lord with 3 castles in his name would get more troops then a lord with only 1.

It does.
If I remember correctly, it is
5 for villages
10 for castles
20 for towns

So it doesn't really help much. I would still assign 1 lord per castle, or else the lord might defend the wrong castle.