TMAN78
Knight at Arms
Come back to the forum and I see all of the ****posting I did from when I was twelve, christ I feel like a ****ing retard. I originally came to this forum after buying MB:W and seeing the mount and musket mod, I quickly joined a clan for that mod and I spent most of my time either playing MB:W or looking around the taleworlds forums. I was 11~ at the time and I was a complete ****ing social reject, I found that by posting whatever came to my mind and/or being intentionally antagonising, people would respond to what I had to say, most of it was just people calling me out on my **** or insulting me (for good reason, might I add) yet I felt that I had found a place where people would acknowledge and talk to me, I guess that I was just lonely and I wanted to bring attention to myself from anybody who would give it, regardless of weather or not it was positive or negative.
After a couple of weeks of posting I said that my age was 16 because it seemed to me at the time that my opinions/****posting would be taken more seriously and I would receive a greater reaction out of people if they thoughtt that I was older, I only succeed in making the users of this forum think that I was a complete deranged, far right, Muslim hating arsehole. I spent all my time on the forums and I began to (wrongly) feel like I was a huge part of the community. my heart would race when I opened up the forums and saw that people were speaking about what stupid or offensive thing I had said the previous day, my entire life was based around seeking the acknowledgement of random strangers on the ****ing internet.
What I find odd is that despite me being an antagonising, attention seeking arsehole, some people read my outbursts and tried to be understanding, I remember a user called Kobrag who sent me a PM after I started shouting about how muslims should be killed and he actually acted way above what anyone could have asked for and he sent me a positive message,
I took little notice of the contents of this message when I saw it 3 years ago, I simply took the message to mean that my acting out and hatemongering was getting me the attention that I so highly desired. Looking back at the message now, I see that despite how much of a ****ing idiot I was, some people tried to help me in a positive way and I ****ing wasted it and used it as a means of pumping up my Ugandan-child-starved ego.
I "left" the forums a little over 2 years(?) ago, I have since gotten rid of my craving for attention and my views on the world and life have become well adjusted, when I look back at the times I spent on this forum I think that it made up a huge part of my social life at the time, I spent every day on the forums and after a day of feeling lonely at school I would come on the forums for a social pick me up, it was one of the only things I lived for at the time and I just feel so ****ing embarrassed at what i said in my quest for acknowledgement.
Lastly I would like to say sorry to all the people who read what I was posting, it was always offensive, unhelpfull or just downright ****ing retarded and I sincerely apologise to anyone who took offence to what I posted in the past . I know that this has been a rambled mess at half two in the morning, and I don't even know why I came back to post this. I just feel like I owed an explanation to everyone as to why I posted what I posted back then.
Sorry for everything
-T.
After a couple of weeks of posting I said that my age was 16 because it seemed to me at the time that my opinions/****posting would be taken more seriously and I would receive a greater reaction out of people if they thoughtt that I was older, I only succeed in making the users of this forum think that I was a complete deranged, far right, Muslim hating arsehole. I spent all my time on the forums and I began to (wrongly) feel like I was a huge part of the community. my heart would race when I opened up the forums and saw that people were speaking about what stupid or offensive thing I had said the previous day, my entire life was based around seeking the acknowledgement of random strangers on the ****ing internet.
What I find odd is that despite me being an antagonising, attention seeking arsehole, some people read my outbursts and tried to be understanding, I remember a user called Kobrag who sent me a PM after I started shouting about how muslims should be killed and he actually acted way above what anyone could have asked for and he sent me a positive message,
Hey John.,
I just want to let you know that whilst your little outburst was rather shocking, I wasn't too offended, you can't really expect that much from a youngster.
Whilst I am Jewish, I do proscribe alot to muslim philosophies, because they do have a lot of wisdom in between the classic war mongering peices, which by the way, are based on mainly jewish beliefs. So yeah, double insult there.
I just hope that someday you will understand that no matter their background, not all people will react the same to it.
I hope you are reacting well to your 'time out' and don't foster any feelings of persecution. Mainly because what you said was extremely offencive, especially since the site owner and the majority of users are muslim
Anyway, sleep well and know that I will be here if you want to talk.
Kobrag.
I just want to let you know that whilst your little outburst was rather shocking, I wasn't too offended, you can't really expect that much from a youngster.
Whilst I am Jewish, I do proscribe alot to muslim philosophies, because they do have a lot of wisdom in between the classic war mongering peices, which by the way, are based on mainly jewish beliefs. So yeah, double insult there.
I just hope that someday you will understand that no matter their background, not all people will react the same to it.
I hope you are reacting well to your 'time out' and don't foster any feelings of persecution. Mainly because what you said was extremely offencive, especially since the site owner and the majority of users are muslim
Anyway, sleep well and know that I will be here if you want to talk.
Kobrag.
I took little notice of the contents of this message when I saw it 3 years ago, I simply took the message to mean that my acting out and hatemongering was getting me the attention that I so highly desired. Looking back at the message now, I see that despite how much of a ****ing idiot I was, some people tried to help me in a positive way and I ****ing wasted it and used it as a means of pumping up my Ugandan-child-starved ego.
I "left" the forums a little over 2 years(?) ago, I have since gotten rid of my craving for attention and my views on the world and life have become well adjusted, when I look back at the times I spent on this forum I think that it made up a huge part of my social life at the time, I spent every day on the forums and after a day of feeling lonely at school I would come on the forums for a social pick me up, it was one of the only things I lived for at the time and I just feel so ****ing embarrassed at what i said in my quest for acknowledgement.
Lastly I would like to say sorry to all the people who read what I was posting, it was always offensive, unhelpfull or just downright ****ing retarded and I sincerely apologise to anyone who took offence to what I posted in the past . I know that this has been a rambled mess at half two in the morning, and I don't even know why I came back to post this. I just feel like I owed an explanation to everyone as to why I posted what I posted back then.
Sorry for everything
-T.
