AAR - The Hand of God

Thane_of_Dhirim said:

PatCronz said:

Again assuming that Christian/Islamic antagonism doesn't exist or is subdued in Calradia (very possible, considering that other lords regularly join and leave the Sultanate depending upon how the other factions do), it's likely that Cronis's reputation wouldn't be damaged by associating with Sultan Hakim. Remember - while your proposition might be true in 1257 A.D. Europe, this is Calradia. Religious antagonism seems minimized at best, and Cronis (aside from his banner of a foreign Saint), has made very little statement regarding his faith. Additionally, the Sultanate forms alliances with other states, which also lends to the idea that there isn't too much religious friction.

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You don't get it, don't you?!
First of all, I didn't said that Christian/Islamic antagonism exist in Calradia ( it is not even stated of which religion they are)...
But I want to say that you make of your main character a Christian ( and in that period of 1257 AD, he should hate all other religions, not joining some sort-of-Islamists as their vassal)... 
So you made a mistake! Maybe Cronis's reputation wouldn't be damaged by associating with Sultan Hakim in story, but it would be in the eyes of the readers.
So just delete the mention of Christianity in your AAr, but leave ( if neccesary) the idea of God.

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You're making assumptions about the nature of Cronis's character, the nature of Urcean Christianity, and the nature of Christo-Islamic relations within the fictional world, which are based upon real life historical progressions. What I don't understand, however, is coming to my AAR and telling me that I've made a mistake, that I'm wrong, when really this is entirely my creative vision. If the antagonism doesn't exist, it won't be a problem, and that's really that. I don't see a problem with that.

Thane_of_Dhirim said:

You don't get it, don't you?!
First of all, I didn't said that Christian/Islamic antagonism exist in Calradia ( it is not even stated of which religion they are)...
But I want to say that you make of your main character a Christian ( and in that period of 1257 AD, he should hate all other religions, not joining some sort-of-Islamists as their vassal)... 
So you made a mistake! Maybe Cronis's reputation wouldn't be damaged by associating with Sultan Hakim in story, but it would be in the eyes of the readers.
So just delete the mention of Christianity in your AAr, but leave ( if neccesary) the idea of God.

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Are you freaking kidding me? You're actually telling someone how to write their AAR. No, no, you're actually telling him to delete or edit stuff because you don't agree with it. You're telling him that he made a mistake writing his AAR. Again, are you freaking kidding me? The last line in that post where you actually order him to change his chapters is unbelievable, and not in a good way

Your logic is deeply flawed. You say that since Cornis is Christian, he shouldn't be joining "sort-of-Islamist" faction, despite the fact that the Sarranid's are NOT Islamic. Infact no religion is mentioned in M&B so we could safely assume that none of the factions are Christian so by your own logic he shouldn't be allowed to join any faction because they are all "Pagan". This following line makes no sense

Maybe Cronis's reputation wouldn't be damaged by associating with Sultan Hakim in story, but it would be in the eyes of the readers.

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The reader is reading the story, how could the two be different?

Don't want to fight over internet ( because that is stupid)...
So I'm just going to make clear some things and will not enter/comment this topic never again ( I swear ).

PatCronz said:

What I don't understand, however, is coming to my AAR and telling me that I've made a mistake, that I'm wrong, when really this is entirely my creative vision.

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I have a right to comment your AAR like everybody else. If you are not open for critics, then you shouldn't put your story here, where everybody can read it and leave a comment. ( If you had a soo huge desire to set your story in public, without negative comments, why didn't you lock this page and make open just for reading!?)
At the end, I am honest reader, and I always put a "Great chapter" comment if I like the chapter ( like you seen on your own, I comment it a few times), but if I notice mistake - I would write my own opinion. It is up to you can you accept that critic positively or negatively. ( in your case, negatively).

ccllnply said:

Are you freaking kidding me? You're actually telling someone how to write their AAR.


The last line in that post where you actually order him to change his chapters is unbelievable, and not in a good way

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No, I am just showing him what his mistakes are ( in my opinion)... I made an AAR myself, and I am always open for comments - no matter if constructive critics or compliments.
I didn't ordered him, *****, I just gave him an advise. You wrote like I am some idiot who love trolling others, but I am actually the first one who would greet you if you start your own AAr and encourage you in writing. (for example, look on the first page here).
But I would also give a critic if I don't like something.

P.S. as I promised earlier in this post, I would not enter or comment this AAr again... So you guys have a good and successful life. Cheers.  

Thane_of_Dhirim said:

No, I am just showing him what his mistakes are ( in my opinion)...

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Thane_of_Drihim, wasn't you called me of pedant? Saying is incorrect do corrections?

Divilly said:

Thane_of_Dhirim said:

No, I am just showing him what his mistakes are ( in my opinion)...

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Thane_of_Drihim, wasn't you called me of pedant? Saying is incorrect do corrections?

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Hey hey, no quarrels... If you want to comment, comment about aar, if you don't want, then open a topic for quarrels and stop spamming here, all of you...

Following the grant of Mawiti, Cronis made haste to settle down at the new village. While the fighting had been fierce and he had served aptly, Benedictus began to show his age, and, rather than attempt to try to fight now the Rhodoks, set forth towards Mawiti. There, his son Patroclus was waiting, surveying the damage of the ruined town. In their correspondence, Patroclus had mentioned to his father that various scholarly efforts on his part suggested new ways to manage the village, methods unused by his fellow Emirs. Patroclus did not elaborate. Benedictus would hopefully find out in person. He was offered, in the meanwhile, a ransom by the Khergit Khanate for the noble Marmun, a hefty 3,100 gold, which he accepted. On the way to the village, however, near Ahmerrad, Cronis encountered another Khergit noble with few soldiers and supplies - Darga Nasugei.



While Cronis sought to avoid continued violence, he knew he could not let Nasugei escape, considering he threatened Sarranid farmers and villagers. Giving chase, the party chased Nasugei throughout the evening, finally finding them in the desert near midnight. A short skirmish resulted in victory for Cronis and his army. Nasugei escaped, but his soldiers killed the entire Khergit force while losing only two. The army continued to gain experience, with some of the encouragable young men from the Swadian villages at the beginning of Cronis's journey now becoming men at arms. Victory continued to follow Benedictus.



Cronis continued across country with his party for some time, eventually making camp at Ahmerrad. While Mawiti could be reached, the village was simply unsuitable for occupation. Patroclus was there, overseeing reconstruction, with the new funds from the ransom from the Khergits providing much of the capital. The elder Cronis gained further funds by ransoming his captive Khergit soldiers for about 1,500 gold pieces, a hefty sum.



Recruiting more young soldiers from Sarranid villages, Cronis left wealthy and tall Ahmerrad for a more humble abode, Samarra Castle, located close to Mawiti. There, he could more easily meet with his son and continue to coordinate rebuilding efforts. Entering the castle one day was his son - the vaunted, the young, the intellectual Patroclus Cronis, who presented everything that Benedictus was not. Patroclus told his father of several things he learned while at the court of the Sultan. Perhaps a dozen or so years prior, learned men of the Sultanate traveled about, studying how taxation and prosperity were related. They reported back to the Sultan a stunning result, one that was suppressed - high taxes by nobles stifled prosperity. Cronis thought it interesting, but knew little about governance or management, and told his son that he would be placed in charge of the finances his father's domains. The two men continued to wait as the village underwent reconstruction. News came from afar - Narra was at risk, which had pushed the Sultan to enter into a peace with the weakened Khan. The lengthy Sarranid-Khergit War was over, with the Sarranids indisputably the victor. To keep busy and to enhance the rebuilding effort, Cronis began to patrol around Mawiti, fighting groups of bandits as he found them.



Cronis continued to do these things - Mawiti, for better or worse, was now a new "child", and it had to be restored and protected. His fortunes would ride on it.

I like how you're doing the screenshots, but I really wish M&B had pose mods like Elder Scrolls and Fallout.  Two characters just staring at each other makes for an unnatural looking conversation.

I'm not an avid reader of AARs, but this one caught my attention. The effort put forth in the formatting and screenshots alone is worthy of praise. I've written a novella myself, and not sure in what manner I will publish it, but thank you for the inspiration -- as I am lost in screenshots a bit frustrated. Regards.

EdgeofThorns said:

I like how you're doing the screenshots, but I really wish M&B had pose mods like Elder Scrolls and Fallout.  Two characters just staring at each other makes for an unnatural looking conversation.

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Yeah, it's a drawback. I try to wait for the precise moment where the characters are actually even making eye contact. It's difficult, but it can work.

Lady Raubrey said:

I'm not an avid reader of AARs, but this one caught my attention. The effort put forth in the formatting and screenshots alone is worthy of praise. I've written a novella myself, and not sure in what manner I will publish it, but thank you for the inspiration -- as I am lost in screenshots a bit frustrated. Regards.

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Thank you very much. I wasn't sure where to start, but I found a way that worked!