TEO'S RANGERS: Brutal death and sillyness in beautiful union.

[Teofish]

Welcome to Teo's rangers. The spiffiest fantasy army you'll find.

                           

THIS IS NOT A CLAN! GET OUT NON-OFF TOPIC'ERS!

                                                                                                     

This is the application thread for my personal army, as decided in the Feelings and emotion thread. Write your application, and your credentials/qualifications as well as the position you desire/feel qualified for within our ranks.

Who we are: Well, see for yourselves.
(Portrait courtesy of Athie).

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Let me tell you a tale of olden yore,
Fourteen lines, and not a syllable more.
This tale is somebody's fondest deep wish;
The chronicles of Ranger Teofish!

From frozen wastes of Norway, he did come
Bringing with him viking long-boats of fun.
Lord Captain Commander, as he is known
And though a leader, he's never alone.

Two-score soaped-up forumites follow him,
Two-score living their mortal lives in sin.
They do not ken why he does hang around,
When there's no rapin' or pillagin' to be found.

But one thing's for certain, let there be no mistake,
Teo and his Rangers, great trouble will make.



(A sonnet, "Teofish", in almost-iambic-pentameter, following no particular rhyming couplet style, by Pharaoh Llandy)

List of members, (Thanks to Goker):
Teo's Rangers!

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Teo = First Ranger/Lord Captain Commander, Laird of Kincavel and Jarl of Northmark.
Kobrag = Field Marshall.
King Ragnarok = Meatshield.
Blead = Recruit/ Red Shirt.
Trevty = Supreme Strategist.
Catholic = Priest.
Dryvus = Grand admiral of the fleet of Smokable Motivation, Earl of Ontario. - KILLED IN THE LINE OF DUTY.
Darwin = Evolutionist and Translator for Nazi SS Wehrmacht and historian/archivist.
Toffey = Transport/Med-evac.
McBeverage = Head of Intelligence/Clandestine affairs.
Amontadillo  = Lead Siege Engineer and madman with fire. = SECOND IN COMMAND.
Grauuu = Insane Lunatic.
Grunar The BearChested = Facial Hair Consultant/ Elbower.
Greatsword = Personal servant/Bodyguard/Bullet Taker.
Amagic = Sapper, Amontadillo's NCO.
Goker = Inquisitor and Chief Officer of Domestic Security.
Eino = Head Engineer of Fortifications (Fornications?), and chief sock knitter.
Feragorn = Special Forces Operations Commander.
Bigboss = Gardener, (mostly serving under our chief officer of smokable motivation).
MrNomNom = Chief Recreational Officer - Owner of the Lyrical Pistol.
Moss = PR-Media Relations, tutor.
Cookie Eating Huskarl = Chief Torturer in Charge of Asian Affairs.
Bromden = Chopper, ship painter.
Eктωρ = Captain of Hearth Guard, commander of the elite ranger unit "Hector's bitchezzzz".
Overlord = Head of Douchebaggery Department.
Pillock = Failed Science Experiment Freak Hunter.
Cristo99 = Booze Server - DECEASED.
Mikkel = **** if I can remember what he did. Anyways. . . . DECEASED.
Gayham = Something, something, something. - DECEASED.
Vieira = Quartermaster - Court bard.
Tibertus = Grand Admiral of the Riverboat Patrol. Master of cocks and general penii.
Hyperion = Resident Scholar/Besserwisser. Commander of Varangian fleet. THIRD IN COMMAND:
Rams = Supervisor of Spreading Insurgency amongst enemies.
Grimmend = Counter Intelligence Operative
Bobthehero = Master of Flag waving. Commander of the "Vanguard fleet" elite scouting division.
Blobmania = Master of religious food.
Burgess = Chief shirt ironer, and operator of hot-iron catapult.
QuailLover = Master of combat dances.
Ambalon = Guard captain of the citadel.
Azrooh = Resident hacker.
Jec(insert numerial sequence I can't remember here) = Ranger of the hearth guard. Maker of sneaky things.
Athie/PoisonCourtesan = Secret weapon of sexuality confusion, head camo make-up artist, and cheerleader.
K64 = Chief science officer. Head of department of experimental weapons and tech.
Jhessail = Chief commandress of the maidens of the spear, the battle maidens and all other female regiments. Also supreme in-battle anti-diplomat.
KoS/Joke/Jock. = Head of sheepish affairs and provider of the Tuesday mutton.
Fruity = Chief officer of annoying fruit, bringer and provider of fruity delights, and . . . . . something else I can't remember.
Suspicious Pilgrim = Something regarding torture I think.
Hugues = Head engineer of starship construction yards, and head designer of experimental ship types.
Coming Winter = Personal armourer and "Hand" of the Lord Captain Commander.
Dodes = Badassery theorist, principal of the Teotian college of war.
Vads = Sith lord and master fiddler.
Boner = He did stuff and such. Lost the recruitment paperwork. DECEASED.
Mixedpotatoes = Ranger liutenant, 4th Space Marine company. And Supervisor of the proper ålphøpæt.


And probably a few of more people whom I've lost track of. If you feel left out, let me know.

What we do: **** around and kick arse, in whatever way we feel like it.

[Kobrag]

I'm yer brother. 
I demand to be Generalissimo!
...or at least yer Field Marshal.

[Blead]

I want to be a recruit. Preferably a red-shirt.

Throw me at your enemy or take me with you on missions. I shall do anything for you before I die.

[Greatsword]

I would like to be an underling, minion or at least a decent variety of scum, preferably criminal.

[Arcadius112]

21, male, looking for horny and/or affable strapping young men ready for a pounding.
I wish to be the homosexual person of the Army!

[Kobrag]

21, male, looking for horny and/or affable strapping young men ready for a pounding.
I wish to be the homosexual person of the Army!

Grrrrrrrrr.

[Teofish]

OI GREENHORNS! Proper order and procedure in the ranks will be upheld! Applications and qualifications maggots!

[King Ragnarok]

I would like to be a mounted bodyguard for a general.

I will fight to the death if needs be! I can hold for a long time, i prefer a decent amount of scale armour. Dont rely on me for getting information out of people though.

Position applied for: Bodyguard
Traits: aggressive, can ride, doesnt complain much unless its important, irritant and foul mouthed.

[Kobrag]

I would like to be a mounted bodyguard for a general.

I will fight to the death if needs be! I can hold for a long time, i prefer a decent amout of scale armour.

...
fine.

Position applied for: Field Marshal.
Qualifications: University degree in Biology, 9 years experience in War rpg's, your brother
Related talents: Sadism (Flogging is good for the men etc)
Trained in the ATC.
Has a Sergent's shout.
Is a prolific puglist.
Can ride.
Love's dressing in uniforms.

[Maboobs]

I'd like to be the talking car everyone rides in when they go out to kill the baddies :3

[Teofish]

I would like to be a mounted bodyguard for a general.

I will fight to the death if needs be! I can hold for a long time, i prefer a decent amout of scale armour.

...
fine.

Position applied for: Field Marshal.
Qualifications: University degree in Biology, 9 years experience in War rpg's, your brother
Related talents: Sadism (Flogging is good for the men etc)
Trained in the ATC.
Has a Sergent's shout.
Is a prolific puglist.
Can ride.
Love's dressing in uniforms.

You're in. (as if it was a question, I just wanted to use my authority).

I would like to be a mounted bodyguard for a general.

I will fight to the death if needs be! I can hold for a long time, i prefer a decent amount of scale armour. Dont rely on me for getting information out of people though.

Position applied for: Bodyguard
Traits: aggressive, can ride, doesnt complain much unless its important, irritant and foul mouthed.

Accepted. You are now my meatshield.

21, male, looking for horny and/or affable strapping young men ready for a pounding.
I wish to be the homosexual person of the Army!

Not accepted. We already have one of those. And he bothered to follow procedure.

I would like to be an underling, minion or at least a decent variety of scum, preferably criminal.

Denied until you get better self esteem. We're a loud'n proud bunch, but with honor and integrity.

I want to be a recruit. Preferably a red-shirt.

Throw me at your enemy or take me with you on missions. I shall do anything for you before I die.

Accepted on grounds of being properly submissive. my ego thanks you for your service already.

[Darwin]

I have no idea what this is about, but I'm in.

[Arcadius112]

21, male, looking for horny and/or affable strapping young men ready for a pounding.
I wish to be the homosexual person of the Army!

Not accepted. We already have one of those. And he bothered to follow procedure.

Yeah, well, I never really wanted to be in this army anyway!


 

[Teofish]

I have no idea what this is about, but I'm in.

http://forums.taleworlds.com/index.php/topic,35953.16740.html Started somewhere around the middle of the page here. Went a bit further back than strictly necessary for context's sake.

21, male, looking for horny and/or affable strapping young men ready for a pounding.
I wish to be the homosexual person of the Army!

Not accepted. We already have one of those. And he bothered to follow procedure.

Yeah, well, I never really wanted to be in this army anyway!


 

You're welcome to re-apply to another position though.

[Trevty]

Position: Supreme Strategist
Qualifications: 10+ years of real-time, and turn-based strategy games
Talents:  Encyclopedic knowledge of things that no one cares about but me