AAR: Connor: To No Man I Kneel - Chapter 14 posted!

Thought I'd try my hand at writing an AAR.  I'm going to be doing something a bit differently: Keeping my party as small as possible.  Most of the time, it's going to be just Connor wandering on his own.  Other times, such as when hiring himself out as a mercenary, he'll recruit companions (likely the more underhanded ones like Rolf) and mercenary units found in taverns.  I have the difficulty turned down a bit, but still my strategy consists mostly of running like hell and doing melees and tournaments to level up and buy decent equipment.  Now with its very own (poorly made) Movie Poster!



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Cast:

Connor:  A young warrior in search of adventure, booze, women, booze, and gold, in that order.

Father:  Veteran Warrior
Childhood: A Page.
Early adulthood: A Squire
Reason for adventuring: Wanderlust. 


Chapter 1

I began my journey in Praven, in the kingdom of Swadia.  After leaving the inn one morning, I was attacked by a cutthroat, whom I slew.  A merchant who saw the fight offered me a job to go find his brother, but I refused.  I've often heard of merchants arranging for rogues to attack a fighting man, then offer them a job involving a kidnapped younger brother, then them hire a small group and chase non-existent kidnappers 'round the countryside.  I was having none of it, and very nearly slew the merchant as well.  I visited the king, after hearing he needed mercenaries, and was sent to deliver a message to the lord of Senuzgda Castle.  Also took a job from the guildmaster to deliver Ale to the tavern in Wercheg. 

While on the way, I was attacked twice by small groups of looters, and killed all of them.  Took a sturdy looking fur coat and a falchion to replace my rusty old blade.  It's razor-sharp but a bit short for my tastes.  Still, it will do. 

I delivered the ale to the tavern keeper who not only paid me but gave me one on the house! Who says these nords are dirty pagan murderers, anyway? After downing the fruits of my labor, I took on a task from Jarl Irya, who seems a nice enough sort, to hunt down Kundrin of Wercheg, suspected to be hiding among relatives in Fenada.  While on the way to the village, located near Sargoth, I was ambushed by 19 Taiga bandits!  I slew two but was brought down by their spears and arrows and taken captive.  I managed to escape the next night but the bastards stole my shirt! Continued, shirtless, to Fenada, as I wanted to catch the murdering scum and be done with it before he fled into parts unknown.  Arriving in the village, I asked the Elder were Kundrin might be.  The bastard lied and said he didn't know.  I searched the whole village, finally catching Kundrin hanging out by the tower.  I gave him one chance to surrender, and he refused to come peacefully.  I slew him, cut off his head, and rode away before his friends could come to his aid.  Afterwards, I bought a brand-new red shirt in Sargoth, which is very good against the cold since it's of nordic make.  I'm starting to like these Nords, to be honest.  After collecting the blood-money, I headed back to Swadia, 

Accepted the mission of collecting taxes from village of Balanali for Count Meltor, but first I had to find Count Montewar and deliver the king's message.  Bleedin' nobles, never staying in one bloody spot whenever you need them!  Cut down some more looters while hunting the good count in Rhodok lands, and evaded about two score more waiting at the other end of a bridge for me.  After traipsing all over two kingdoms looking for the Count, I finally found out he was back at Senuzgda Castle WHERE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BLOODY BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

I wandered aimlessely for a bit then headed to Dhirim, were I fought in a melee at the local arena.  They gave me a quarterstaff, and at first everything was great, I knocked out a bloke with a sword and shield then I found that it was, in fact, "Gang up on the new guy" day, because every bloody one of them headed straight for me.  I got in a good lick or two but soon went down.  Well, I'm not one to give up easily, so I headed straight back in.  This time I managed to down 6 of the blaggards before one managed to get a lucky shot...or three...in with his sword and brought me down. I got 10 denars, though, which is enough to get blinding drunk, so that's the important part.  I found out that tournaments where going on nearby, in Veluca, which intrigued me.  A man can make a name for himself and get enough money to keep him in ale and wenches for a month! Needless to say I set out for Veluca. 

Well, once again, fate drops a huge pile of dung onto me.  I was attacked by Swadian deserters in the night, and my old, flea bitten, worthless lame swaybacked gluestick dogfood nag dies on me! I killed two but they overwhelmed me, not only taking me prisoner but STEALING ME BLOODY BOOTS!  I swear, when get stronger, and get a decent blade, I'm gonna slaughter the bastards.  I swear.  And, to top it all, I actually learned that I walk faster than that blasted horse!  Well, after escaping two or three days later, I went back to Dhirim and spent a good bit of my hard earned silver on some boots which I can tell must have been worn by a stablehand.  Well, after getting good and wasted the night before, I found out that another tournament was going to be held in Reyvadin, which wasn't far away.  I headed there, making great time now that I didn't have to drag ol' glue around.  Then I learned that Kradus and Xerina were competing.  I was gonna get thrashed but, with luck, it'd be by Xerina. 

In the first round, my team, the Greens, fought the Yellow team.  My mates were quickly defeated, but, after betting 100 denars on myself, and realizing that Xerina was watching, I fought like a devil and managed to knock out one man and unhorse two more before I was defeated.  Impressed with my bravery, the official allowed me to move to the next round. 

The second round went much better.  Someone actually managed to eliminate Kradus! Dunno if it was me or not.  Started with axe and shield on foot but at the end I had a blade and a horse.  In round three, it was a free-for-all with me and three others.  I hung back and let the others fight it out.  Not very brave, but it bloody well worked.  Two of 'em knocked were knocked out and fought the last, already weakened, one on one.  Took him down with one slash from me sword. 

In round 4, It was me and two others against another team.  I was on horseback with a lance.  I may be a knight by training, but I've always preferred to fight with a sword on foot.  It's more fun that way, but we managed to make short work of the others, at least. 

Then...we came to the fight of me life...me and Xerina.  I with arming sword and shield, she with great sword.  Both of us mounted.  I took down her horse quickly, but she got in a good hit when I rode by and tried to finish her.  Two more ride bys...she parried.  Then, on the third, I swung with all my might.  I took her down.  The tournament would be mine!  The final round was me and some nameless hired blade.  I won quickly, he with great sword and I with lance, and took 1300 denars thanks to betting 100 on meself.  Xerina was waiting for me in the tavern.  Let's just say that my victory wasn't the sweetest thing I felt!

I spent most of the prize money on a bastard sword, the type I'm most comfortable with.  It was a bit heavy, but a fine weapon nonetheless.  Now, to make some more money, and buy a horse and some armor. 

SCREENSHOTS

Chapter 2 [kinda short, it's been a busy week]

After I left Reyvadin, I headed to Balanli to collect Count Meltor's taxes.  As usual, the peasants complained.  Bloody peasants, complaining about everything..."ooo me children are starvin! Oooo we have to pay taxes! Oooo I've got the plague! Oooo they're burning our homes, waaawaaawaaa!"

While searching for the good Count, I passed through Uxhal, where I was hired as a mercenary by...ah, can't remember his name, but he's one of the more douche-y lords.  Anyway, I'm to work for the Swadians for a month, fighting the accursed Rhodoks.  You know, ever since I can remember, they've been at war.  You'd think they'd have been able to get a treaty or something worked out, but ah well, without war, I don't get paid.  I found four hired blades, tough sorts, wearing their bloody chainmail and great helms in the tavern! You know, I can't for the life of me figure out how they were able to down as much ale as they did...

Well, anyway, they and some desperate peasants from a nearby village now make up Connor's Merry Marauders and we immediately set out into Rhodok territory in hopes of raiding a village or robbing a caravan, but it was much too well patrolled for a small party such as mine.  We happened upon some peasants, but I ordered my men to stay their hands...I couldn't bear to hear any more whining! On returning to friendly territory, we were attacked by Count Rimusk's party, but two more Swadian lords were on his heels, so we stood our ground. 

My first real battle! Ah, whhaaaat a rush! I ordered my Marauders to stick close if we were to survive, and gave a good account of ourselves.  Still armorless, I took a good hit from a Rhodok's pick, but repayed him by sticking me blade in his heart.  The battle was a victory, with Rimusk's men totally wiped out, and my men managed to capture the count himself.  No doubt King Gravy...Grave...King Wotshisface will pay well to get him back.  I also managed to free a footman and a crossbowman the Count had been dragging around, and we headed back to Uxhal for a victory party in the Drunken Dragon.   

Rimusk seems an honorable enough fellow.  He's a damned good fighter; it took four of my men to bring him down.  Not too bright, though...I mean, what kind of dunce stops to engage 8 insignificant men when a larger force is right on his heels? If not for that I would have let him go, but still, I make sure his treated properly, and hopefully he'll go home soon. 

Screens:

This is going to be very interesting: at last, someone who follows the Merc path (like me)!
Crush the barbarian scum and spread superior Swadian Culture stuff!

I like this!  Only thing I can think of writing wise is to perhaps use the same narrative all the way through.  What I mean is you write mostly in 2ND person but occasionally write in 1st also.  An example that would help is the following.  Instead of saying I slew two groups of Looters, describe to us what your Looters are.  In my mind Looters are runaway serfs and criminals banded together to try and survive in the land.  Dirty, hungry, and angry describe them.  They are not versed in tactics it is every man for himself.  Of course, please ignore everything I wrote except the first part about me liking!  Look forward to more adventures of Connor.

This is a really nice AAR, I like Connor already. Keep up the good writing and playing!

Thanks for the comments, dudes.  Connor's personality was inspired by playing "The Bard's Tale" on PS2.

Haha. This is actually pretty hilarious. I hope you get revenge on the one that looted your boots.

While reading this I kept thinking, wow this is a great account that what happens to me on Warband. extremely funny with nicely presented "crude" humour hope you find that bastard that  stole your shirt and kick him to death 

Pictures always make threads more interesting 

nice

Beny said:

Pictures always make threads more interesting 

Click to expand...

Yeah I know.  I'll put some up when I'm not half-asleep. 

Thanks for reading everybody, Part 2 and screenshots will be up tomorrow.

Awesome series so far, keep it going.

Thanks, all.  Sorry the screens aren't more exciting.  Expect part three sometime in the next 3 days or so...hopefully Connor will have proper armor and be able to raid some caravans.

Quick question: Is it possible to change the screenshot keys?

Great chapter!
Those screens look very good also. Keep it up!

This is cool so far, I like the rugged merc character   A convincing role in the setting of Mount & Blade...not everyone would be a vassal or a ruler surely!

One question...the monthly merc contract, is that part of a mod?  I thought it was 3 months standard.

EDIT:  All these AARs and stories popping up, makes me want to start one...  Perhaps when I'm home I'll do something   It does take away from actual playing-time though . . .

Kilaeil said:

One question...the monthly merc contract, is that part of a mod?  I thought it was 3 months standard.

Click to expand...

3 months to begin, with a monthly renewal option after the initial 3-month period.

To the TC: hilarious AAR!  I'm still laughing over the description of your (sadly deceased) horse!

Really? I thought it was just one. 

Just a note: You'll probably get more giggles out of this AAR if you imagine Cary Ewles reading the text in a snarky british accent.  Connor was heavily inspired by The Bard's Tale.

Chapter 3

Rimusk escaped last night.  I still haven't been able to get a straight answer out of any of my men, the sotted bastards.  We aren't, as yet, strong enough to even loot a village, so forays into Rhodok lands are out until I get some armor.  We did, however, deliver aid Count Devlian, who was trying to protect Nomar from a nighttime raid by Count Fraichsin.  It was little more than a skirmish, but I was taken down quickly by Fraichsin who managed to trick me with a feint and delievered a well-timed blow with one of those over-large butcher knives Rhodoks so love.  Other than myself, none of the Marauders were even injured and we got a much-needed 128 denars out of the affair.  After recovering, somewhat, I learned that the Rhodoks trade with the Khergits, whom the Swadians are so far on good terms with, so me and the boys decided to do a bit of hunting.  Waiting outside the city of Halmar on the border, we ambushed a 12-strong caravan.  The caravan guards, merely thugs on horses, were unable to even make us break ranks and were quickly dismounted and cut down.  The crossbowmen, however, gave us a run for our money.  We managed to charge and slaughter them, but not before they killed one of my blades.  Still, we took everything we could carry and headed to Dhirim to sell the loot. 

After the obligatory victory party in the Wasted Whore, Dhirim's oh-so-refined tavern, I awoke to a mighty headache in front of the arena.  I was later told that at midnigh, I attempted to enter and fight in a melee, but obviously the place was closed.  So, being the genius that I am, pounded on the gates, shouting, "WHY ARE YOU CLOSED? WHY ARE YOU CLOSED? TELL US THE REASON! WHY ARE YOU CLOSED?" At the top of me lungs until I passed out.  Ye gods, me head is killing me.  Nothing another round of ale can't cure, though!

I hear rumors that the war may be over soon, that King Hilarious...Harley...Harlem...King Whosisface and King Wotsisname might call a truce.  If that's the case, this war sure has been a whole lot o' nothing.  I've only been in three minor skirmishes...I mean, they were fun and all, as fun as war can be, but I've got almost nothin' to show for it except some refurbished mail and a dented helm.  Ah well, the sooner it's over, the sooner I can dismiss the Marauders and actually get to keep some of my money, for a change.  Perhaps I'll look into tradin' for a bit, that seems profitable. 

Me and the lads decided to make the most of the situation, though, and I recruited four men from a nearby village and set out for Rhodokia...what is that land called, anyways?
Anyway, we soon heard that Veluca was being besieged by Count Delinard, so we set out at once to lend our swords. 

Though the Swadians took Veluca, it was indeed a sad day for the Merry Marauders.  I lost nearly all of my men, and those still alive, I sent home.  I have little heart now for continuing this bloody war, and as soon as I was conscious I limped to the tavern, which, thank God, is still standing to have a drink or seven. To say that I'm embarassed right now is a gross understatement is the grossest understatement I believe I've ever heard.  I charged up the ladder with me mates-in-arms, me new armor shining in the moonlight.  Off to either side of me, a host of Swadians are fighting the Rhodoks.  I attempt to make me merry way down the stairs to the courtyard, where the fighting is going, when I'm wounded by a crossbow bolt.  One of ME OWN BLOODY ALLIES pushes me off the top of the stairs, soI fall and break my leg.  There's still fight in me, though, so I charge the Rhodok bastards, and I think I managed to wound one before someone put me down.  If we survive this seige, I swear, I'm never, ever helping the Swadians in a siege, ever, again.  Bollocks. 

I think, once this cursed war is over, I'm just gonna wander on me own for a bit.  I'll likely have enough money to keep me in ale and wenches for a good while. 

Screenshots

  Very good, this is cool to read.  So Connor's had a guts-full of the Swadians, eh?  He seemed to like the Nords, perhaps he'll take himself northwards?

Question:  In the screens there looks to be large shield/barrier thingymawotsits (pavises?) is that part of Native?  Haven't seen them in sieges before.

Love the one at the arena gate   The pose does actually look like he's drunk

I love this

This is great!!!
MO-AAR!!! Hahaha see what I did there?

I'm inspired.  Connor's amused me so much that I'll be starting an AAR with my next character. It's something I've often considered (and done in my head), but never written up for public consumption.